


Now I Am Once What You Were

by JenelleLucia



Series: from valentia, to valm [3]
Category: Fire Emblem Echoes: Mou Hitori no Eiyuu Ou | Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: F/M, but i'll do my best !, i have never written in alm's point of view, this will be in letter form oHO
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-06-04 20:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenelleLucia/pseuds/JenelleLucia
Summary: how were you able to do it? // dad!alm-centric.





	1. to grandfather

**Author's Note:**

> i am so, so soft for alm as a father, and i can also see that at first, he miiight not know what he's doing!

Grandfather -- 

I'm not the most eloquent person in the universe, and you know that as well as I do - but you probably might know why I'm writing to you. It's been a couple months since you passed, and I'm not going to lie that Celica's not the only one who misses you. You were there for us every step of the way -- for us as kids, eventually me growing up, and you were there for us as we started rebuilding the One Kingdom. You were always there. I don't know if you ever got the credit you deserved, but you're who made Celica and I the people we are today. 

Even more so, you made me the man I am today. 

I don't regret joining the Deliverance the day you turned them down. I may regret some of the choices I made - not being able to save my father when I could have had the chance to get to know him, or even Berkut -- but I don't regret the journey I went on. There are so many nights where I think of the times of that could have been. I probably would have been able to live with my father and Berkut, got to know them...and maybe things would have made me different. I probably would have never met you, or Celica, or any of my friends. I guess I understand now, now that I'm a bit older. Not by much, but still. 

I know you know that before you passed, Celica was expecting. The baby's growing every day -- and while I'm in absolute awe of that, Celica and I both are, I fear for her health. She's growing weaker every day, Grandfather, and my biggest fear is that she doesn't make it through the childbirth. Everything's unpredictable, I know, but I want her to be here. 

Grandfather, I love her too much to lose her, or our child, whomever they may be. 

Every day that passes means that Celica's due to give birth at any time. She's been bedridden the past few weeks now, and we've had clerics come left and right to see what's wrong. It's a fever, they say, and that we have to continue keeping an eye on her so that she doesn't get worse. She's always in pain, too, Grandfather. There are nights where she wakes up sobbing, that the baby's kicking too hard or something's bothering her or everything's hot. And I don't know what to do. I want to help her, Grandfather, but I don't know what to do for her. 

When she's in pain, I want so badly to take it away for her, to bear it for her, but I can't. 

 How do I do it? Or well, how did _you_ do it? You've taken care of me since I was baby, when my father left me to your care. Celica's friends, Mae and Boey, would come to visit every now and then, especially while she was able to be up and about. They would tell us to anticipate the sleepless nights and the crying, and they worried for us that we wouldn't be able to spend more time with the baby.

I have no doubts about that. But are the sleepless nights so true? Was there more that you experienced while I was under your care, that might be different with us? This is why I wish you were here sometimes, that you were guiding us on what to do even now and that our future child would have gotten the chance to know you, too. 

 We've had gifts being sent from other kingdoms, and made friends on other fronts. We have friends left and right sending us letters on their experiences, what they've done and now that I think about it, maybe we're going to be different. Celica and I don't know how our child is going to end up, maybe they'd be just like her, or me, or maybe even a mix of both. Is that what you wondered about, too? If I'd end up like my father? I never got to know my mother, but maybe I would have ended up like her, too. 

How did you feel, Grandfather? 

The more that I think about it, there's a rush of feelings that take over. My hand's shaking as I write this letter, and I can feel it. I'm terrified, nervous, in awe that Celica and I could create something so perfect, anxious, that there's so many things that could go wrong, but I'm also relieved, that we're both in this together. I know you raised me on your own, but do you think it would have been easier on you if you had someone to raise me with? I technically had the whole town raise me -- you know how small Ram Village is, and if I go back every now and then with Celica, we could still recognize which houses belonged to who. We could even recognize ours, too, a little deeper in and close to the forest, and we always had that large orange tree in the front yard and the sheep around...

(It's not a surprise to you that the sheep still hate me, is it? If you could actually read this, I'm sure you'd be laughing and I don't blame you.) 

I want to bring my child there one day, when Celica's a little better and they're older. Maybe I don't have to wait -- we can go when she wants. I'll see what she has to say, but I'll bring it up to her at some point. That's not the only thing I've brought up to her, though. We've thought about what the baby would look like - maybe have her eyes, maybe my face. Maybe her face, my eyes. There are so many possibilities, aren't there, Grandfather? I know you would have wanted to see what the baby looked like, too. 

That's probably not all, though. We've talked about it from time to time, but names. We don't know if the baby's going to be a boy or a girl, but we've got a couple ideas. If it's a boy, maybe name him after my father, or Berkut. We talked about naming the baby after you, too. If it's a girl, maybe after Celica's mother, or we could even rename her Anthiese. Celica was totally against it, but I brought it up again and she said maybe this time! I really hope she changes her mind, at the very least. We'll see as time goes on. 

I'll end this letter here for now, Grandfather. I hope you rest well. 

. 

_It's a couple weeks after this letter that Celica gives birth to a healthy baby boy, but Alm's not done writing his letters. He waits for nightfall, for his queen and their newborn son to sleep -- he knew they sure could use it -- and he sits at his desk to write, a soft candle serving as his guiding light._

. 

Grandfather -- 

It's a boy! He's perfect, and I can't say that enough. He was born this morning, and he's got quite the pair of lungs. He has a full head of red hair, and he managed to open his eyes a little bit. He's got my eyes, Grandfather. Celica's doing well, and she's expected to get better with a little time. You have no idea how much of an...experience the birthing process was. 

We've got a lot to think about, you know...about how to raise him and what to do next, but Celica and I are in this together, like always. 

I hope you continue to watch over Mycen, just as you watched over us when we were younger. 

Rest well, Grandfather. 

 


	2. father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> was there things you wanted to see me do? / don't worry, father.

Father -- 

I hope you didn't mind Celica and I visiting today. We kind of needed it today, really, after that visit from the doctors this morning. She hasn't been doing well as of late, and...to tell you the truth, I'm a little worried. Alright, I'm a lot more than a little worried, but I'm sure you might understand. Is this how you felt, too? The fear that mom wasn't going to be alright when she had me? Now that I mention it, I don't remember if grandfather ever told me anything about mom, but then again...I never really knew you were my father either, but I wish you were here to tell me. 

What was mom like? Grandfather's not around anymore to tell me, and I don't think he knew what mom was like in the first place, so I doubt that I'll ever get the chance to know. Berkut's...gone, father. I'm not sure if he ever knew mom either, but if he did, maybe...if things had gone better, he would have been the one to tell me. 

If things had gone better, and you were still here, maybe  _you_ would have been the one to tell me. 

I remember the doctors saying that Celica's going to get a lot sicker than normal, even though this is our first pregnancy. Was mom like that, too? Were you worried that mom wasn't going to make it to see me? I hope those fears don't become realized...at all, really. Our child, regardless of what they are, needs her. I know I need her; I don't think I would be able to go in this alone, even if I knew that she would be guiding our child despite her passing. I think I'll stop on that here, since I don't really want to think about it too much. 

Were there things that you wanted us to do together? I'm not really sure what you would have wanted to do myself...I'm sure regular father-son things, I guess, but at the same time...grandfather was close to a father as he could get away from you. If you're watching over me right now, watching me write this, I hope you don't take offense! What would you have wanted to do, father? What were the things that you wanted to see me do, and what were the things that you wished for me to have done? Can I still realize those dreams for you, if I don't know what they are? Can my child realize them, if not for you or for me, but for themselves?

Things are starting to look a little better father, now that we're getting farther ahead in the reconstruction process. Celica's a lot more stubborn about doing things -- was mom like that, too? Her heart never wavers, of course, even when she's to the point where she has to be bedridden. I hope that doesn't have to happen too often; there are so many things that we have to do together! She would have loved to meet you, if times were better and maybe you were still around.

I don't forget that day father -- I never have. 

It stays with me, Celica knows it. She tells me that it's normal, that sometimes she thinks of her father too despite the fact that she doesn't want, but she does. I'll have to write to him, too, King Lima IV. She's been afraid, for most of the beginning of her pregnancy, that she could end up like her father. I don't fear as much; our child won't have to do what we did, and they can live with us, our friends, how many other siblings they have ( _Alm chuckles as he writes that part, and then adds in,_ Celica and I did talk about it, and we planned on having more than one after all), and I reassure her of that. In return, no matter where she is or what she's doing, she tells me that we won't have to repeat what happened. 

I hope we don't, for both our -- and our child's -- sakes. 

There are so many things that I want to tell my child about you. I want to tell them that for a time I misunderstood you, and maybe when they're older I'll tell them the real story. For now, though, I'll tell them about the smaller things about you -- the smaller things grandfather's told me that helped me get to know you even now.

I want them to be able to remember that much. 

. 

_It's a day or so after this letter that Celica gives birth to a healthy baby boy, but Alm knows that he has more to say. He waits a little, for Celica to recover and that they could take turns rebuilding and watching their child together, and he waits for a moment -- on the day where he's watching his son, Mycen, to write this letter._

. 

Father -- 

It's been a couple weeks since my son was born. He's perfect, father -- is that what you thought when you saw me? He's got a full head of red hair, and he's got my eyes. Celica's been doing a lot better, she's getting stronger again day by day, and she's the perfect mother to our son. You have no idea how grateful I am that she's the mother of my child; there's no one else I'd rather start a family with than her. 

We've been taking on shifts, you see. Every other day, we spearhead the reconstruction effort for the One Kingdom, and in between, the free time we have is with our son. He's still a couple weeks old, so it'll take some time for him to grow into a personality (who knows if he's like Celica, or like me, or even the both of us!), but I'm just happy right now that I'm able to spend some time with him while there's time available. He makes the effort worth it father.

Is that what you thought? Is spending time with me, away from your work and from the pressures of the court, what you wanted to do? 

Mycen (our son's name) is sleeping right now in his crib; Celica suggested that we have more than one in certain places, such as our offices and in the dining room (we might have bought a little more than we had initially expected to buy, and now there's one in every open place you can imagine -- in the coming years, the castle's going to be a bit messier than most, but it's all incredibly worth it) so that we can bring him anywhere. That's kind of all he does right now, really -- eat, sleep, and cry, but being able to watch him go about his day in his own way when he can't do things on his own yet is...almost breathtaking. 

We made this life, father. We made him, and we're going to love him, and the many other children we're going to have in the future -- yes, Celica and I are still talking about it even though it's a little early. 

I hope you'll watch over him, too, father, just as grandfather is watching him.

Rest well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> going to be starting something new, but like what you see? i'm going to be opening up writing commissions fairly soon! i'll have more information about it in my next update!


	3. and father - in - law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she doesn't bear any grudge against you, is what she told me. and neither do i. // the final letter.

King Lima IV -- 

Or, well, should I call you 'Father - in - law?' It's a weird thing to hear, I'm sure, and I'm not sure if I should be sorry that I hadn't asked your blessing or not to marry your daughter, but well...here I am. I married your daughter, and we're going to be having a child together. You must be wondering why I'm writing to you, when I barely knew you while you were living. I have to wonder what's gone through your thoughts back then, when you've had your children. Celica, Conrad...I want to know, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I want to. Were you capable of joy, despite the pain you caused? Did you ever think about what was going to happen in the future, when you weren't going to be around anymore? Did you ever think of Celica, or Conrad? 

Conrad doesn't talk about you much, if i'll be frank. Celica, too -- but I remember the day I was coronated. She came to me, and she told me that she bears no grudge against you. Do you ever wonder about that, too, wherever you are? 

I guess to give you a little update on what's been going on recently, we got married -- we've been married for a little bit now, to tell you the truth. We've got a baby on the way. She's been doing alright, but as of late...she worries. She worries that she's going to get sicker than she already is, and that if everything gets better she'll end up like you. I think that's a worry all new parents have, don't they? That they end up like the parents they don't want to be? I reassure her, though. She's different from you, faced different challenges and this one just might be a new one. This one is a new one, but we're facing this together and I know she's going to do her best.

How did you feel, when you knew that you were going to become a father? 

I don't know if that's something to really ask directly. I'm sure that Conrad wouldn't have known, or Celica either; they tell me that they remember lots about you, but at the same time they don't remember much. That's...one of my biggest fears, to tell you the truth; I've made lots of promises towards her, you know. I've promised her that I was going to be there for the baby, regardless of what they were going to be, what they were going to have. And I'm going to be there for  _her,_ first and foremost. I always told her that I couldn't give her much -- it's possible now, since I'm the king and to tell you the truth...it's not an easy title to bear, and even now. I still don't think I can give her much. But I can give her me. Would you say that's enough, too? 

I never knew you -- I only heard stories about you, and what you did back then while you were still around. I heard stories of the past, too; Celica remembers them all, actually. She says they're real, and she can see them, and sometimes she hurts from them. It pains me, especially now, that's she's hurting physically and she's hurting emotionally; she thinks of what happened in the past, what happened to  _us_ often and I don't like that it hurts her. Did you ever feel the same towards her mother? Did you ever feel the same at all? 

I'm going to tell you the truth -- I had no idea what to write to you. I still don't know what to write to you, to be honest; I never knew you, and I don't think Celica really did either, or Conrad. Maybe I should be happy that they don't, for everything that you've done and for what it's worth but...I'm actually sorry. Maybe there was a time when you were better, when you would have wanted to know your children. Celica might think that, too. There could have been a time once where you wanted all of that -- did you ever want to be happy, now that it comes down to it? It's a little sad, really. 

I think I'll write to you again soon, Father - in - law. I won't guarantee it, but I think I might. 

.

_"Are you not coming to bed yet?"_

_"No, I'm sorry. I'll be up just a little longer -- I promise that if he cries when I come in, I'll take care of him, okay?"_

_Celica only smiles at that, and she leans over to kiss his forehead gently. She holds the candle close to her, finger through the handle and the rest of her fingers gently placed around the rim and she stands up a little straighter. Alm gives her a smile back, and he promises her -- he promises her that he's going to turn in early, and he's going to rock Mycen to sleep if he doesn't. He's a fussy sleeper, the king knows that much about his son and his sleeping habits as of late._

_"I love you." He doesn't expect it, but Celica says it so often when he says it first, and he's not surprised when she says it first, but it's been a while since she has and he looks up from where he sits and she's smiling so tenderly at him as she says it._

_"I love you, too."_

_._

I told you that I would write you again. 

I know, Father - in - law. You must have expected for me not to write another letter to you, but...here I am, pen and paper. I was about to get started with writing to you a little earlier, actually, but Celica came in. I promised her that I was going to sleep after this, so I'm afraid I'll have to keep this letter short. 

We have a son -- Mycen. He was born a couple weeks ago, actually, and in a couple more days he'll be a month old. Time's flown by so fast...there were things that got complicated with the birth, to tell you the truth. Celica was getting sicker, and there was a chance that I could have lost them both. I think that it was my father, and my grandfather that intervened but...if you did, too, I'd like to thank you, I guess. Maybe even in death you're finding ways to redeem yourself, who knows. Celica doesn't forget, though, and neither will I. Conrad doesn't forget either, if you're wondering. There's a lot of people who will never forget what you've done -- quite literally, since we're still all trying to rebuild the continent. It's not an easy task, but I think we're managing. 

He was born with my eyes, and Celica's hair -- a full head of it, actually, and he's was pretty big. He's been growing more every day, and she says that he looks like me more than he does her. I doubt it, though; I'm pretty sure he's going to look like her growing up, but we'll just have to see what the future holds, right? 

I made another promise to them, too, Father - in - law. I also intend, just like with the many other promises I made for them, to keep this one as well. Want to know what it is? 

_I'm not going to be what you once were._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so, so much for following alm on this journey! dad!alm really was such a joy to write, and i loved getting out of my comfort zone for him~! it's been a busy year guys -- i hope to write more for you soon!


End file.
